My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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