you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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