So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
