get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
