I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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