Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
