your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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