Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
