Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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