She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
