His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize