Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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