A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
