Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
