it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
