there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
