im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
