I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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