I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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