I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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