I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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