i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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