My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
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Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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