But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I CAN MOONWALK!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I met the friendliest cop last night
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
