he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
