Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
