It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
