Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
