just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
