ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
