Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize