Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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