wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
