I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
