I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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