Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
