i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
