Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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