I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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