You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
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Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
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I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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