oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
