all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
