Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
