so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
