I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dicks are not precious.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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