I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize