hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
