I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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