Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
