Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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