why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
