Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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