he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
