Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
