frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
