shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
