He uses pillows to masturbate.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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