worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
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They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
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They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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