Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
