You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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