You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
