So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
