I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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