fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
