Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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