Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
worst night to have a conscience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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