That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
