You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
