I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Come on in and take your pants off
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