I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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