it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
