the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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