Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
